Another Side of Me

The choice of a marriage partner should not be based
on "I get a warm,wonderful feeling whenever we're
together and I want to have that
warm wonderful feeling forever, so let's go get
married". Feelings, as we have discussed, have no
logic on their own. They need to be
acknowledged, of course, but they need considerable
assistance from your brain.

Marriage means choosing the person you will spend the
rest of your life with. This, as you may have guessed,
is a very long time to spend with one person. This
person will live with you, eat meals with you, sleep
with you,and go on vacation with you. More important
yet, this person will share your children. You need to
choose wisely. The decision should not be made based
on feelings alone. You need to ask yourself some
tough questions. The decisions have to be made on
solid considerations.

Will this person be a good partner? Is she mature
enough to put her own selfish desires aside to look
out for what is best for the family? Is he prepared
to be a good provider? What is his track record? Is
he responsible enough to get a good job and keep it?

Will this person be a good parent? Can you stand the
thought of your children turning out exactly like
this person? They will, you know.
Children spend a lot of time with their parents and
consequently pick up many or most of their parents'
character traits. You had better like your spouse's
traits a lot because you will be seeing them again in
your children.

If something were to happen to you, would you
completely trust this person, alone, with the ask of
raising and forming your children?
This is not a pleasant thought, but it is an
important consideration. Not everyone dies at a ripe
old age with great grandchildren gathered
around the bed. Sometimes a parent dies and leaves
young children! in the care of the other parent. If
you feel that you would need to be around to correct
or lessen this person's influence on your children,
then you are considering the wrong person.

Does this person share your faith in God? God does
not give us children so that we can mold them into
the coolest, most popular people in school. Our job is
to get them to heaven. To do that, we need to raise
them believing in God. It is tough to do that if only
one parent believes.

Saying "this is right and this is wrong, and I want
you to ignore Mommy until you are thirty-five" does
not work. Small children ask about eight skillion
questions in a single day. The answers to those
questions go a long way toward forming the kind of
adults they will become. Who will be answering those
questions for your children?

Does this person you are marrying have sexual
self-control? Single people sometimes have this idea
that marriage is just some kind of lifelong sex
festival and that as long as they have each other,
they will never be tempted by other people. Wrong!
There are many times in every marriage when one
partner or the other is sexually unavailable -
illness, the last months of pregnancy, travel. There
are also times when spouses, just get on each others'
nerves.

At times like this, other people can seem very
appealing. That can be dangerous, because there are
plenty of very attractive people out there who are
willing to make them available to married men and
women. Do you want someone who has never said "no" to
sex? If he is not good at saying "no" at eighteen, it
won't be different at forty. Do you want to worry
about whether or not your spouse is being faithful?

These are very important questions, and if you are
not comfortable with all of the answers, you should
definitely not marry this person.

None if this is to say that feelings play no role at
all in a marriage decision. You don't have to, "Well,
I suppose that you would make a good spouse and
parent, so even though I don't particularly like you
I guess I'll marry you'. You need to be happy and
excited about the prospect of spending your life with
someone. Your brain however , must acknowledge that
this person as a good catch.

Don't listen to your heart alone or your head alone.
Wait until your heart and head agree.

Take care...